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iStock Comedy 3: The Battle of Geddes-burg

October 27th, 2010 by Liesl received 1 Comment »

It’s getting colder and darker, which can only mean it’s time for a little more iStock Comedy! You’ve voted on quite a few bizarre images in Vote for iStock Comedy & iStock Comedy 2: Royalty-free Revenge, but this time round I thought it’d be fun to tackle a theme.

So in this third instalment, I’m getting my own back for all the Facebook friends* who’ve basically turned my news feed into the social media equivalent of a coast-to-coast baby monitor. Seriously, if you scroll through my friend list, you’d think by the profile pic icons that I’ve been hanging out at an awful lot of daycare centres. So until FB develops baby recognition software, my retaliation is to offer up the weirdest stock baby photos for your voting pleasure.

*Are you my friend? Do you have an infant (or two)? Of course I couldn’t POSSIBLY mean you & yours. Your family is totally the exception, and without that 200th picture of your baby eating creamed spinach I couldn’t possibly have wrapped my head around the sheer, overwhelming cuteness. It’s all those OTHER Facebook friends cluttering up my feed with bonnets, bottles & babies…

Here’s a recap on how iStock Comedy works:

Every now and then, you’ll perform a routine search for royalty-free images on iStockphoto.com and a little gem of WTF comedy gold springs up on your screen. I am certainly not the first to identify silly stock photos, but these will be my methods:

  1. You get to vote for your favourite! (Poll closes on Sunday, October 31at 11:59 PM, because I celebrate Halloween with creepy iStock goodness). Post your reasons/debate the virtues of your pick in the comments.
  2. Images that try too hard or are purposefully “silly” (e.g. people making stupid faces) are disqualified.
  3. I purchase the images (where I can, sometimes weird iStock photographers demand exorbitant numbers of credits) because stuff this awesome deserves to be freed of watermarks.

So without further ado, here are the strangest iStock baby photos I’ve seen. Bear in mind that contributors want these images to be profitable and sell, why else would they be on iStock? So the greater the absurdity and the less marketable the image, the funnier it is.

Baby in Puppy Dog Costume

Baby in Puppy Dog Costume

Name: Baby in Puppy Dog Costume

iStock Photo Description: Feeding time for the puppy.

Downloads: 10

Select Keywords: Baby, Costume, Dog, Halloween, Child, Puppy, Dog Food, Pet Food, Dog Bowl, Feeding, Spotted, Animals Feeding, Pets

Why Vote For It:

  • Um… because it’s a baby in a puppy dog costume!
  • Finally settles bottle vs. breastfeeding debate: dog bowl FTW
  • “Spot” must be among top 100 baby names of 2010
  • Bone = perfect teething solution

What’s Holding it Back:

  • Not yet housetrained
  • Cruelly turned down by the SPCA Adoption Centre
  • In all its weirdness, it’s still pretty cute
Angel Fairy Baby with Wings and Flowers Isolated on White

Angel Fairy Baby with Wings and Flowers Isolated on White

Name: Angel Fairy Baby with Wings and Flowers Isolated on White

iStock Photo Description: Cute baby with wings and floral tiara, surrounded by flowers..

Downloads: 9

Select Keywords: Baby, Fairy, Flower, Single Flower, Angel, Costume, Crown, Sadness, Tiara, Artificial Wing, Child, Cherub

Why Vote For It:

  • Angel + Fairy + Baby + Wings + Flowers yet still somehow resulted in an adorable FAIL
  • Palpable awkwardness & discomfort
  • All that pixie dust and “Sadness” is still a keyword…

What’s Holding it Back:

  • That baby does NOT want to be in the shot
  • There’s an angry little old lady somewhere missing a whole pile of plastic flowers
  • Future therapy bills & lawsuit
Young Boy Holding Skull

Young Boy Holding Skull

Name: Young Boy Holding Skull

iStock Photo Description: Young caucasian boy holding large skull

Downloads: 1 (i.e. only mine)

Select Keywords: Baby, Costume, Bizarre, Spooky, People, Clothing, Halloween, Mausoleum, Nasal Cavity, Human Jaw Bone, Eye Socket

Why Vote For It:

  • Because “eye socket” HAS to be a popular search query
  • Baby’s face reads front-page tragedy, skull reads post-Halloween Dollarama bargain bin

What’s Holding it Back:

  • Piltdown Man precedent may raise suspicions over skull authenticity
  • Skeleton hoodie in poor taste, dented skull’s feelings
  • Oral hygiene clearly a problem for the deceased
  • Fog machine juice running dangerously low…
Little Baker

Little Baker

Name: Little Baker

iStock Photo Description: little boy in the cook costume at the kitchen sitting on the table. Special toned photo f/x

Downloads: >20

Select Keywords: Chef, Baby, Child, Cooking, Domestic Kitchen, Food, Bakery, Bread, Small, Offspring, People, Hat, Eggs, Milk

Why Vote For It:

  • Babies caught making apple pie late at night are way better than those lazy, sleeping babies
  • More hygienic than cartoon rat chefs
  • Crisp, clean uniform

What’s Holding it Back:

  • That flour pile is a storm just waiting to happen…
  • Surprise is for the weak, babies should expect pesky parental interruption at any time
Infant in a Pumpkin

Infant in a Pumpkin

Name: Infant in a Pumpkin

iStock Photo Description: This is my daughter in a pumpkin I carved last year. In this image she is 1 month old and as content as a child in a pumpkin can be.

Downloads: 20

Select Keywords: Halloween, Child, Baby, Costume, Pumpkin, Autumn, Jack O’ Lantern, Toddler, Babies Only, Baby Girls, Trick Or Treat

Why Vote For It:

  • Photographer’s description confesses to blatantly using own daughter for iStock profit
  • Similar to those “how many squares do you spot in this image?” quizzes, only with jack o’ lanterns!
  • Jack Skellington is clearly her father, and he’s pretty bad-ass
  • It bears repeating, “she is 1 month old and as content as a child in a pumpkin can be.”

What’s Holding it Back:

  • Not quite Halloween enough. Needs additional pumpkin(s).
  • Daughter realizes embarrassing photos of her not only all over Internet, but sold as royalty-free images = easily won emancipation suit
Sad Baby Pumpkin

Sad Baby Pumpkin

Name: Sad Baby Pumpkin

iStock Photo Description: Sad little Baby Pumpkin, can’t find his way back to the pumpkin field.

Downloads: 10

Select Keywords: pumpkin, sad, baby, halloween, decoration, antique-looking, ceramic

Why Vote For It:

  • Part baby face, part pumpkin, all sad!
  • By the sacred tenets of gang tattoo symbolism, Sad Baby Pumpkin has killed 2 people: you don’t mess with SBP!
  • Takes Anne Geddes to the next level of creepy anthropomorphism
  • Reminiscent of first iStock contender, Sad Orange
  • Definitely has the WTF Factor

What’s Holding it Back:

  • People keep mistaking him for a vegetable, making fruity Sad Baby Pumpkin (SBP) even sadder
  • “Pumpkin field” (as opposed to patch) destroyed in fire, SBP will never find his way back

And that’s it! Vote now, and remember to check back after Halloween to find out which iStock baby picture wins!

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Posted under: Design, iStock Comedy, Weirdsies


One Response to “iStock Comedy 3: The Battle of Geddes-burg”

  1. Kerith says:

    very tough choices. i almost went with the flower baby because the look on her face is a dead give away that some one needs to do a diaper change. the baby in the pumpkin, however, also has the guilty look and yet “is as content as a child in a pumpkin can be.”

    and don’t worry, i know you’re not talking about the facebook photos of my children. they’re so cute, with or without pumpkins, that i’m sure everyone is on the edge of their virtual seats waiting for the latest updates.