iStock Comedy 3: The Battle of Geddes-burg
October 27th, 2010 by Liesl received 1 Comment »It’s getting colder and darker, which can only mean it’s time for a little more iStock Comedy! You’ve voted on quite a few bizarre images in Vote for iStock Comedy & iStock Comedy 2: Royalty-free Revenge, but this time round I thought it’d be fun to tackle a theme.
So in this third instalment, I’m getting my own back for all the Facebook friends* who’ve basically turned my news feed into the social media equivalent of a coast-to-coast baby monitor. Seriously, if you scroll through my friend list, you’d think by the profile pic icons that I’ve been hanging out at an awful lot of daycare centres. So until FB develops baby recognition software, my retaliation is to offer up the weirdest stock baby photos for your voting pleasure.
*Are you my friend? Do you have an infant (or two)? Of course I couldn’t POSSIBLY mean you & yours. Your family is totally the exception, and without that 200th picture of your baby eating creamed spinach I couldn’t possibly have wrapped my head around the sheer, overwhelming cuteness. It’s all those OTHER Facebook friends cluttering up my feed with bonnets, bottles & babies…
Here’s a recap on how iStock Comedy works:
Every now and then, you’ll perform a routine search for royalty-free images on iStockphoto.com and a little gem of WTF comedy gold springs up on your screen. I am certainly not the first to identify silly stock photos, but these will be my methods:
- You get to vote for your favourite! (Poll closes on Sunday, October 31at 11:59 PM, because I celebrate Halloween with creepy iStock goodness). Post your reasons/debate the virtues of your pick in the comments.
- Images that try too hard or are purposefully “silly” (e.g. people making stupid faces) are disqualified.
- I purchase the images (where I can, sometimes weird iStock photographers demand exorbitant numbers of credits) because stuff this awesome deserves to be freed of watermarks.
So without further ado, here are the strangest iStock baby photos I’ve seen. Bear in mind that contributors want these images to be profitable and sell, why else would they be on iStock? So the greater the absurdity and the less marketable the image, the funnier it is.
Name: Baby in Puppy Dog Costume
iStock Photo Description: Feeding time for the puppy.
Downloads: 10
Select Keywords: Baby, Costume, Dog, Halloween, Child, Puppy, Dog Food, Pet Food, Dog Bowl, Feeding, Spotted, Animals Feeding, Pets
Why Vote For It:
- Um… because it’s a baby in a puppy dog costume!
- Finally settles bottle vs. breastfeeding debate: dog bowl FTW
- “Spot” must be among top 100 baby names of 2010
- Bone = perfect teething solution
What’s Holding it Back:
- Not yet housetrained
- Cruelly turned down by the SPCA Adoption Centre
- In all its weirdness, it’s still pretty cute
Name: Angel Fairy Baby with Wings and Flowers Isolated on White
iStock Photo Description: Cute baby with wings and floral tiara, surrounded by flowers..
Downloads: 9
Select Keywords: Baby, Fairy, Flower, Single Flower, Angel, Costume, Crown, Sadness, Tiara, Artificial Wing, Child, Cherub
Why Vote For It:
- Angel + Fairy + Baby + Wings + Flowers yet still somehow resulted in an adorable FAIL
- Palpable awkwardness & discomfort
- All that pixie dust and “Sadness” is still a keyword…
What’s Holding it Back:
- That baby does NOT want to be in the shot
- There’s an angry little old lady somewhere missing a whole pile of plastic flowers
- Future therapy bills & lawsuit
Name: Young Boy Holding Skull
iStock Photo Description: Young caucasian boy holding large skull
Downloads: 1 (i.e. only mine)
Select Keywords: Baby, Costume, Bizarre, Spooky, People, Clothing, Halloween, Mausoleum, Nasal Cavity, Human Jaw Bone, Eye Socket
Why Vote For It:
- Because “eye socket” HAS to be a popular search query
- Baby’s face reads front-page tragedy, skull reads post-Halloween Dollarama bargain bin
What’s Holding it Back:
- Piltdown Man precedent may raise suspicions over skull authenticity
- Skeleton hoodie in poor taste, dented skull’s feelings
- Oral hygiene clearly a problem for the deceased
- Fog machine juice running dangerously low…
Name: Little Baker
iStock Photo Description: little boy in the cook costume at the kitchen sitting on the table. Special toned photo f/x
Downloads: >20
Select Keywords: Chef, Baby, Child, Cooking, Domestic Kitchen, Food, Bakery, Bread, Small, Offspring, People, Hat, Eggs, Milk
Why Vote For It:
- Babies caught making apple pie late at night are way better than those lazy, sleeping babies
- More hygienic than cartoon rat chefs
- Crisp, clean uniform
What’s Holding it Back:
- That flour pile is a storm just waiting to happen…
- Surprise is for the weak, babies should expect pesky parental interruption at any time
Name: Infant in a Pumpkin
iStock Photo Description: This is my daughter in a pumpkin I carved last year. In this image she is 1 month old and as content as a child in a pumpkin can be.
Downloads: 20
Select Keywords: Halloween, Child, Baby, Costume, Pumpkin, Autumn, Jack O’ Lantern, Toddler, Babies Only, Baby Girls, Trick Or Treat
Why Vote For It:
- Photographer’s description confesses to blatantly using own daughter for iStock profit
- Similar to those “how many squares do you spot in this image?” quizzes, only with jack o’ lanterns!
- Jack Skellington is clearly her father, and he’s pretty bad-ass
- It bears repeating, “she is 1 month old and as content as a child in a pumpkin can be.”
What’s Holding it Back:
- Not quite Halloween enough. Needs additional pumpkin(s).
- Daughter realizes embarrassing photos of her not only all over Internet, but sold as royalty-free images = easily won emancipation suit
Name: Sad Baby Pumpkin
iStock Photo Description: Sad little Baby Pumpkin, can’t find his way back to the pumpkin field.
Downloads: 10
Select Keywords: pumpkin, sad, baby, halloween, decoration, antique-looking, ceramic
Why Vote For It:
- Part baby face, part pumpkin, all sad!
- By the sacred tenets of gang tattoo symbolism, Sad Baby Pumpkin has killed 2 people: you don’t mess with SBP!
- Takes Anne Geddes to the next level of creepy anthropomorphism
- Reminiscent of first iStock contender, Sad Orange
- Definitely has the WTF Factor
What’s Holding it Back:
- People keep mistaking him for a vegetable, making fruity Sad Baby Pumpkin (SBP) even sadder
- “Pumpkin field” (as opposed to patch) destroyed in fire, SBP will never find his way back